Why Me?

I’ve been online for about two hours now. My yahoo messenger status states BADTRIP AKO! BAWAL PM! I think some of my online friends didn’t understand that but I know that they are just trying to piss me off.

And so it happened! And here’s the worst thing, my ex-boyfriend buzzed me and he said that he really needs to talk to me. So I hurriedly replied and asked him why. I’m expecting that it is very important but then he told me that he just really needs someone to talk to because he’s sad and crying at that same moment. And so I got worried and asked him again why. He said that he and his best friend (who for instance is also the one he's courting right now) are having trouble. He said that the girl keeps on saying how much she loves him but then she’s still in doubt about my ex’s sincerity. And so I asked him to prove his love to her best friend since it’s the best thing that he can do.

I continued to comfort him though deep inside of me, I’m hurting. I felt a sudden pain because he kept on repeating the words “I love her so much and I don’t want to lose her”. But still, I acted as his good friend and as if I’m not affected. I gave him advices since I still care for him.

Honestly at first, I really don’t know how to react but at that very moment, I felt my heart screaming in pain, anger and jealousy but I kept it to myself because I don’t want him to know. I was about to cry but I just controlled it because I know that it’s not worth it anymore. It really sucks in my part. I did feel how much he love her since it is very superficial and it hurts badly.

I’m so puzzled! Why do I even feel this way? It is so ironic. I thought I’ve already moved on but then I’m so wrong. I didn’t expect that I’ll be so affected. I thought that I can live my life normally without experiencing the pain that he caused me. Does this mean that I still love him and I’m still hoping and waiting that he’ll soon be back in my arms? Damn, I’m so pathetic.

I am so pissed! I can’t imagine that he buzzed me only to talk about how much he loves her girl and how afraid he is of losing her. It sucks man. Of all people, why did he choose me to talk about that? Is he that stupid not to realize that he might hurt me again?

I should stop this. I really want this to be over but how on earth will I do that? God help me. ='(